


The Village of Amontillado

by The_Syrinx_Priest



Category: The Cask of Amontillado - Edgar Allan Poe, どうぶつの森 | Animal Crossing Series
Genre: Animal Crossing - Freeform, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Comedy, Funny, Other, Parody, Tragedy, edgar allan poe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Syrinx_Priest/pseuds/The_Syrinx_Priest
Summary: "A thousand injuries of Beardo I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon betrayal, I vowed revenge."Moving a villager out of your island in New Horizons is a completely different game compared to previous installments. One human villager goes particularly mad at the prospect.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	The Village of Amontillado

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Cask of Amontillado](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/619300) by Edgar Allan Poe. 



A thousand injuries of Beardo I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon betrayal, I vowed revenge.

You, oh-so wise in the nature of this game I call life should be more than aware of the travesties a particular villager can plague on your deserted island. Allow me to share a tale of empathy with you, then.

My island had been grasping at the fringes of nirvana for many weeks. I carefully, both literally and figuratively, paved the road for my secluded island civilization, sculpting every cliff, rock and tree to my design, balancing every asset of life so that one portion of land did not outshine another. The finishing touch was my fellow colonizers; all animals of different species and personalities. Yet despite these colourful characters, I felt an empty chasm in my heart.

_Raymond._

A cat with grey fur, heterochromatic eyes and a thick-rimmed pair of glasses. The entire world was driven to hysteria searching for him, bargaining ludicrous prices for his presence on their island. I knew I was the true inheritor to his arrival above those meagre fools, and that I would obtain him soon. My paradise would be complete and unified, as all good things should be.

Though as I tended to my garden of beautifully cultivated chrysanthemums around his designated plot of land, I checked the sign placed in front of it. To my horror and disgust, instead of the name I expected to see, the name “Beardo” plagued the plaque like an explosion of India ink on otherwise beautiful calligraphy. I dropped to my knees, a blood-curdling scream echoing through the cherry blossoms.

It is now a few days after the incident, and Beardo now proudly struts around my otherwise impeccable paradise, his moustache accentuating his smug smile. Cherry blossoms flew through the air, with my fellow villagers dressed in oddly colourful ensembles resembling that of Bunny Day eggs. With everyone so distracted with the festivities, my plan could be set perfectly into motion.

I approached Beardo, a facade of joy spread across my face. “Good afternoon! How have today’s activities been treating you?”

“Just splendid! And yourself?”

“Oh, just making my daily rounds is all. It is a vital part of the routine for a Residential Services representative, you see. However, during my travels, I discovered a DIY recipe that may pique your interests! Of course, I have doubts about my ability to craft it effectively…”

“Is that so? I would love to give it my best shot if that’s the matter!”

“Then let me just — oh, drat it all, I’ve forgotten it at my house. Shame.”

“Well if it’s no trouble, I would not hesitate to follow you there! Anything to help a benevolent guide such as yourself.”

Just as I had planned. I pursed my lips in false thought, rubbing my chin. “As long as it is no burden on you, kind sir! Come along, I will lead you there.”

Much to my delight, due to my original layout for my island, Beardo’s house had been placed directly next to mine. This made it all the simpler to awkwardly nudge him into place in front of his home, taking no haste in digging two holes in front of him and burying two pitfall seeds.

“I’m… slightly confused. I thought we were going into your home to retrieve the recipe!” He exclaimed, cowering his feet away from the seeds. The slightest pressure would cause the ground to collapse underneath him, effectively trapping him for a good few seconds. I’ve been told the experience is quite terrifying, but I couldn’t speak for it; after all, I am far too clever to fall for such a trick. Before he could scurry off in the other direction, I ran behind him, grabbing my fencing tool. Luckily the brick walls I was about to erect took no messy mortar to construct, as, with two mighty swings of my hammer, two cobblestone walls around the height of my chin stood between me and my intruder, leaving him effectively trapped. But as agonizing as falling into a pitfall seed was, Beardo could easily escape after falling into one and then climbing out. I simply could not let that happen; he would chew me out to Isabelle, that little sneak! To be safe, I dug two more rows of holes, filling them with traps before proceeding with my masonry.

“Please, I don’t understand! Why are you doing this?!” Beardo exclaimed, peeking over the wall at me, his eyes watery.

_“Why?”_ I hiss, angrily swinging my hammer once again, another wall appearing as if by magic. “Don’t play the fool with me. You know exactly what you did. Sabotage! Sabotage, I say!”

“Whatever could you mean? I merely relocated here after your island gained traction! Nothing more!” He blubbered, his tongue betraying his words. I chuckled low in my throat, placing another piece of fencing down and preparing to build it.

“Now, Beardo, you know I’m not one to point fingers. Er… point oddly ball-shaped hands, I suppose. No, my evidence is shatter-proof. Cast iron.” I take the opportunity to raise another wall while I distract Beardo with my words. “I’ve seen you waltzing around town, pretending to be a local when you know good and well you are not welcomed here. For months I worked on this deserted plot of land, changing everything to my optimal desire. But you… you _had_ to know who your plot of land was reserved for. Is that why you’re here? To mock me and laugh at my misfortune?”

“What?! No! I would never!” Beardo cried, attempting to add despair to his voice. “Listen. Surely you’re a man of reason. I would be more than happy to offer you the Bunny Day recipes I-”

_“NO!”_ Reflexively, I took out my net and swatted him over the head, pushing him to the ground. “I am so _repulsed_ with these sickening pastel egg decorations! If I have to see another one for as long as I live I’m finding that rabbit and disposing of him the same way I disposed of you. And you want me to see _more_ of them?! To have their blinding colours assault my eyes every time I open my DIY catalogue?! Shame on you.”

“Wait!” Beardo’s arm reached over the top of the wall I had just built as I finished my sentence, hardly able to reach me. “I’m certain my presence isn’t reason enough to… wall me up in front of my house! This is inhumane! Isabelle and Nook will find out! You’ll be removed!”

“Oh, I will?” I cantered over to the last grid of land where a wall had yet to be placed. “I’m sure I will indeed. If someone reports me -- which is highly unlikely, might I add -- all I’ll have to do is say that you got accidentally trapped while I was rearranging things. Don’t try it.”

“But why me?!” Beardo raised his voice significantly for the first time. “There are at least nine other villagers on this island you could just as easily get to move-”

_“I LOST RAYMOND FOR YOU!”_

I was taken aback by my own intensity, wiping the tears that had pricked my eyes. “You… you weren’t the one I was searching for! I spent a good five hours saving up enough Nook Miles to buy tickets so I could find him, and in return I got _nothing!_ I even resorted to buying tickets off of other people like a pathetic slum. All that money, all that time… all that heartache… and I ended up with _you!”_

I hadn’t even noticed that the town had gotten dreadfully quiet, including Beardo himself. He had sunk beneath the wall to a point where I could not see him. “...Beardo? I’m about to place the last wall.” I peeked inside, only to find him sitting where no pitfalls were, gazing up at the clear blue sky. With a shrug I erected the last wall, waiting patiently to see what would happen. After a good minute of silence, all I heard were Beardo’s feet clawing desperately at the pitfall he had fallen into.

For fourteen days, no one has disturbed him. _In pace requiescat._

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is a hot mess! If you didn't put two and two together yet, the inspiration for this story came from the videos people make about moving villagers out in AC:NH where they fence them in somewhere to keep them deprived of interaction. I thought to myself, "This is kinda fucked, innit?" and thus I remembered Cask of Amontillado exists, and here we are.


End file.
